Simply Trusting

This is not going to be a long post. But for the first time since I arrived nearly one month ago, my room feels settled. Why the need to publicize this milestone? For one thing, it's finally starting to feel like home; I'm not guessing where I should put things to try and establish my 'normal'. For another thing, it's symbolic of so much more. Whenever there is a move or a transition, feeling displaced, or not quite like one belongs in either the old or the new place, is a natural experience. I've been feeling that way a lot over the past few weeks. I am thrilled to be back, but I miss  However, yesterday was a day full of events which contributed to expelling the 'displaced' feeling. In the morning, good friends took me to go submit my visa paperwork. Not much can make me feel so small as walking into a business/government building with my minimal Deutsch and needing to acquire something as big as a visa. But God, in His faithfulness that hasn't cha...

After successful flights, and a safe arrival in Kandern, I am enjoying getting settled in, meeting new friends, and reuniting with old ones. I've spent significant time in the last few days accomplishing tasks that allow me to feel more at home, as well as trying to wrap my brain around this transition. Per usual, this transition looks different than I had expected. There are definitely hard aspects. I miss those of you who were a huge part of BFA for me before. On more than one occasion while at school or walking around Kandern I've found myself looking for you. Sometimes I feel as though I am living in a ghost town. "[insert your name here] used to live there!" But it's not totally depressing, and leaves me feeling very grateful for the lives that have touched and changed my own. I also miss working in the dorm and often feel compelled to ask to drive a dorm van. I assume this will change, and can only hope so. :) But there are so many amazing aspects of this ...

Dear Friends, What an amazing journey of faith this time of raising support has been, and it's only the beginning! I am ridiculously excited to be leaving for Germany and BFA to start a new season of ministry! God has supplied so much, and through so many of you! Thank you so much for partnering with me, both in prayer and financially. It has been humbling to watch the ways that God has led so many to give. I will continue to post here about the things God is doing at BFA. When I think about how big He is and how He blessed the last time, my heart thrills to think of the possibilities this new season holds. I have to admit that over the last week, as I've prepared to leave, I've had some recurring sadness as I realized all over again that I won't be going back to help shepherd (and feed!) a guys' dorm. God gave such amazing relationships with students and staff, and I will truly miss serving in that capacity. However, I am thrilled to be teaching music, sharing s...

Last week was full of the kind of excitement the leaves you wondering what this new week is going to hold. My support has taken a dramatic turn upwards, and I am now only $275/month shy of boarding an airplane. The more I think about the amazing way the God is meeting this need, and the way He is moving people to partner with me, my heart is filled with gratitude. I am excited to say that I have begun the packing process, even though I don't yet have a departure date. For those of you who know me well, you know that packing is one of my LEAST favorite activities, so I'm thankful for a little extra time in which to do it. I am also looking forward to the day when my blog posts are not filled with pleas for support, and I am free to share about what God is doing in the community in Germany! So my requests for this week are simple. First, would you please pray that God would move in the hearts of those whom He wishes to partner with me, and that they would respond quickly? I have...

As we begin the month of November, I'm already thankful for so many things. God has answered so much prayer, and in specific ways. My financial need in returning to Germany has been huge. Many have responded and given generously, and I want to say a huge thank you to everyone supporting me prayerfully and financially. I am humbled and encouraged by your partnership with me, and I pray for you daily. Not only is my percentage of support almost where it needs to be, my startup costs are completely covered. I am so excited to be able to leave and begin doing life in Germany! I am also thankful for this time of waiting. I've shared more about this time in a previous blog post (10/25/14), but every day I thank the Lord for His perfect will and guidance. Because of the amazingly generous giving of so many people, I am very close to being able to leave! Currently I only need $320 more per month until I reach 90% , and $580 more per month until I am 100% fully funded. Every am...

I was hesitant to put the following thoughts out in public. Not because they're controversial or earth shattering, but because they are so close to my heart. Waiting . If I weren't waiting for support, I'd be waiting for something else. I'm not being cynical, but  I have noticed this become an apparent pattern in my adult life. There are always hopes, dreams, goals, achievements, among other things, to be looked forward to. However, before those things come there is often a waiting period. These are times which the Lord uses to teach us, grow us, change us, remove things from our lives (I should say "my life") that shouldn't be there, again the list goes on. However, I find myself impatiently wishing for the end of the waiting instead of looking for what God is doing right now, in me, around me and hopefully through me. So while I do get antsy in the waiting, I am learning, slowly but surely, to be still while I wait to get my plane ticket and start a ...

We all have needs. If we're honest, talking about them comes easily, sometimes more easily than praying about them. As I think about my needs for support, my need to get back to Germany and BFA, and then the needs of my siblings and family, the result is that my focus is directed at the need rather than the One Who can meet the need. So this week I've been challenged to revise how I've been praying for my needs. I'd like to share with you some questions on which to reflect as you pray: 1)By dwelling on the need, am I allowing it to become bigger than it is?  2)What do I know about God? How big do I really know Him to be? 3) Do I believe that God is big enough to meet my needs? And do I trust Him to answer in His perfect way and timing?  Another great way to pray is to pray Scripture, and the Psalms are a current favorite of mine. I can't seem to get away from them. For starters, check out Psalm 16.  Please understand that I know that many people carr...

Six months ago, I thought that I had this school year (and the following ones) figured out. However, our best laid plans are not always identical to the plans that God has for us. I am thankful for everything that the last year has held, and I am thankful to be where I am. In just under two months, God has brought in 50% of my support, which is amazing!! This is a huge hurdle to be past, and I know that now that I'm past the halfway point, excitement continues to build. There is still a huge need to be met and I am still praying for 14-15 people to commit to $100 per month. If you would like to partner with me and help to meet this need, click here:  Click here to help support Lauren I've referred to Psalm 138:8a before, but this verse has been on my heart often lately and I wanted to mention it once more. "The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me. Your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever." The word "fulfill" can also be translated "complete"...

There's great power in memory, no? Through memory, we re-live, reminisce, keep alive, learn, grow, change. Some of us live in fear of forgetting, because we fear if we forget, we run the risk of leaving behind part of who we are. Memory motivates us to action. Like many people, I enjoy a good ramble down memory lane, and I try to retrace those steps regularly. I've been doing a lot of remembering lately, and reading through blogs and journal entries from before I went to Germany the first time, in the fall of 2010. As I write today, I find myself in a similar situation to when I first began to write about "Simply Trusting." Today, as then, I have a great financial need to be met before I am able to depart for Germany. Today, as then, I have seen God meet a large part of that need through His people. Today, as then, I am hopeful and confident that He will complete the work that He started, not only financially, but in my life longterm. Today, I have the richness of fr...

Over the last few weeks I have received much encouragement, from both sides of the ocean. Many friends have joined my team of ministry partners, and I can't thank you enough!! I wanted to share a couple of thoughts with you today. First from my time in the Word just this morning, in Psalm 81:10, "I am the Lord your God, Who brought you up out of the land of Egypt. Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it." This verse follows a retelling of the deliverance of Israel from captivity. God has been faithful to them and He reminds them here that He is faithful, and that He is who He says He is. How can you hesitate to trust a God like that? So often I am guilty of a Pinterest-like Christianity. I hear something that resonates with me about Who God is or what He asks of me at church or Bible study, and with the best of intentions, I file it away for later. I continue living a walk that does not put that belief into practice. This weekend I have been under intense conviction over...

I have been trying all week to write, but the words have not come easily. However as I grieve with my country today, the words are finally flowing. This will not be a support update post. Look for that in a day or two. For now, remember with me. As I sit at home in New Jersey just hours away from the site of each attack, I am listening to the names of all those who perished on that awful day, September 11, 2001. Individuals who are in some way connected to the fallen are reading the names of their own loved ones and those beloved by so many others. Most heart-rending to me are the ones reading in memory of their parents, siblings and spouses. I know where I was that day, what I thought, and the way it has changed the way that I live. But that is not important in this moment. In the face of very real grief, the qualities of those who have passed are being remembered. I can't help but wonder, if my name was on that list, what would be said of me? What words would immortalize my mem...

"No, you keep it. So you'll have it when you get back." - Tyler  These words held confidence that made my heart sing. He was putting music back in my hands that I had held all summer; music for his senior recital. Tyler is cellist, and a senior at Black Forest Academy. By God's grace he believes that I will be back to accompany him. When I first embarked on this journey into missions, I had a REALLY hard time asking people for money. Why should people give money so I could go to Europe? Through communicating with supporters as well as my organization TeachBeyond, God has changed my perspective. Please hear me when I make the following: Giving to missions is not a one-way street. Did you get that? If not, read it again. Please. In certain parts of the United States, we have attendants that pump gas into our cars for us. No matter how you may feel about that, it enables our vehicles to run. He puts the gas into the vehicle, we give him money, and then we drive aw...

Over the summer, I have been asked numerous questions that I wanted to take some time to answer. This is in no way a frustrated post, but simply a means to articulately and adequately answer the questions which so many have kindly thought to ask. Thanks for wondering and being interested! 1. When is Carolyn getting married? Answer: She did yesterday!!! We are SO excited to announce that my dear sister Carolyn has now taken the last name of Dignan ! She and Jimmy were married this past weekend, and the wedding was gorgeous! I maybe a wee bit biased, but I've never seen a more beautiful bride or a more smitten groom. Enjoy the photo of them below! (Photo creeds to Robby Berkstresser) More photos will follow when they become available! The happy couple - Jimmy and Carolyn!  2. Are you still planning to go back to Germany? When do you leave and what will you be doing until then? Answers: YES! At this moment, I do not have a departure date and until I reach commitments of 90% ...

I've been wanting to post for a while, but we are in our fourth and final week at the Csehy Summer School of Music and life has been hectic. Also, if you haven't heard, my sister Carolyn is getting married in a little over three weeks, so our family is abuzz with wedding planning. Needless to say, excitement is everywhere!! Because of the busyness of life, I have not had time to contact and follow up with potential supporters, but I intend to start doing more of that next week. Since time has been an issue, it does not appear that I will meet my goal of returning to Germany by the end of August. I do plan, however, to continue plans to return to Germany, and the Black Forest Academy, as soon as possible. God's timing is perfect, and I trust Him fully to bring my support in. I am praying for monthly supporters who will partner with me for at least $10 per month. I am still currently just above 10%, and in order to return I need to be at 90%. Every partner makes a differenc...

Just over a year ago, I entered a transition back to life as I remembered it back in the US. I knew it hurt a lot, and that it would continue to hurt. Nothing could have prepared me for all that this year held, or for the joy that has come. The question of what to do and where to go next school year has been on my heart through the year. I love being part of the team at Pilgrim and the ministry there is deeply valuable and important. Working with the students and faculty has been an honor. Through all of the experiences and lessons brought into my life this year, two things have been clear to me. God has given me a love for third culture kids that goes far beyond simply missing those I have known, and He has also given me a distinct love for Germany and its people. So, after seeking wise, Godly counsel, and continually laying my own heart before the Lord, it gives me great joy to announce that I am planning to return to Germany and Black Forest Academy in the fall. I have been offer...

Clarity. We all need it, craving it at times. The question "why?" seems to be continually present in some (all?) seasons of life. This year has been one of those seasons for me. I asked this ever-present question at many bends in the road this year. One thing has been abundantly clear to me, however, and that is the fact that God is in complete control. No matter what expectations others have for me, or that I may have for myself, nothing surprises God. And with those things in mind I have been attempting to sounds the depths of all that I have learned this year. I will attempt to share the beginnings of my findings with you: 1. Let it go - a recent film has elevated this phrase to fame, but seriously, how easy is it? When I am struggling with certain grace-producing factors in my life, how obediently do I really release my sense of pride and submit to the hand of the Master, steadily at work in the depths of my soul? Or what about the sense of defeat when you or I reali...

Before we get to the apples...March has flown by, and it is with a bit of disbelief with a trace of denial that I find myself near the end of it. The beginning weeks were consumed with preparations for our state-wide Fine Arts Festival. The day was extremely successful on many fronts. Our students did exceptionally well, placing high in many different categories that allowed Pilgrim to place first overall. I enjoyed competing in this festival myself during high school, but there is a distinct joy that comes when you see your students excel that far outweighs any of my own personal achievement. I was particularly proud of my own brothers, Peter and Mark as they placed well in many different categories, and also of my dad as he prepared and directed numerous musical groups! See pictures below! I wanted to briefly share with you a verse and a thought that my freshman Bible class discussed this morning.  " A word fitly spoken  is like apples of gold in a setting of silver ." Prov...

Since being back in the US, I have been through a whirlwind of moods and emotions. Transition is not an easy thing. However, lately, when reflecting on where God has placed me right now, I am thankful. He has placed me with my own family, during a time of learning, change and growth. They have graciously adapted to my presence with them, listened, talked, listened some more, prayed, and rebuked. Being present with my younger two brothers as they are learning and making decisions is exciting and encouraging. I have also rediscovered the fact that the Holland siblings laugh a lot when we are together, and for that I am also thankful. I am thankful that God has given me a job in a place that is familiar, with familiar people and those who pour into me and mentor me. I am thankful for my students who trust me and teach me so much about life and grade. Most of all, I am thankful for Gods grace to me. Every day as I stand before my classes, I am reminded of the enormity of what Christ has do...

Normally a winter in NJ brings a dash of snow here and there, but I'm beginning to think I brought back more of Germany than I realized! The past several weeks have been littered with snow days, for which both students and teachers have been grateful!  Last week I had the privilege of traveling to upstate NY, one of my favorite regions in the US, with our church youth group for their winter retreat. We spent several days in a cabin with no internet or running water, and had a fantastic time! The purpose was to remove distractions for the kids in the youth group, but I needed it just as much as they did. I was so grateful for the chance to get away with our teens and make time with God an even bigger priority. How often do we think about spending time with Him, and tell ourselves 'I'll do it later'? We make time for that which is truly important to us. Our actions and words stem from our hearts, therefore putting Christ first in our lives starts in our hearts and minds a...

Today is definitely not Saturday, which means that I'm late in posting, but I want to put out a short, sweet request this week. Due to a holiday and two snow days (which has to be some kind of record??)  tomorrow marks the delayed start of second semester. I love the fresh newness of beginnings of things. Middle times can be difficult. Endings bittersweet. With especially these last two in mind, I would ask you to pray with me for the students and staff as they begin tomorrow. That they would come with a mind set to please Christ most of all. That they would really truly love Him. That we would all run our race with patience. That nothing would rob us of our joy. And that we "may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God." Philippians 1:10 I can honestly say that I am looking forward to what this new semester will bring. Thank you for...

I'm not normally one for making New Year's resolutions, primarily because I'm not very good at following through with them. However, a little over one week ago, I decided to blog once a week, and here I am following through :) School has started up again, and with it, all the joy and drama that Academia brings. During Christmas break I attended the wedding of some family-friends and while the I was challenged, rather indirectly, to live each day with joy. I realized at that time that joy was something that I had not been seeking, at least on a regular basis. How convicting! It was rather startling to come face to face with the fact that I was attempting to live without one of the essential elements of the Christian life. Of course I had been asking God for courage and strength, because those seemed to be the obvious things one would need when doing something difficult. But joy. So this week I've been asking for joy. And with it has come a lifting, both of my spirits, bu...

So it's been a while since I posted last, and there are lots of excuses, and maybe some valid reasons. But so much has happened in the 6 months since my last post. I made a heart-wrenching move back to the US, worked another summer of Csehy, got a new job at my old school, started transitioning back to life with my family, had German 'Danke's' caught in my throat every time I was at a cash register, got grafted back into the loving community of my church, and tried to maintain some degree of 'normal' without really knowing what that meant. All the while, I was dearly missing the people, places, smells, sounds, and emotions that composed BFA in Germany. Tears and waves of emotion stronger than I'd experienced in my short life were my constant companions. And still are sometimes. The reason is simple: I have loved hard, long, and at great cost. This left me feeling much like a worn out piece of elastic, with about as much energy. But I wouldn't have it any...