Thursday, May 26, 2011

Journal Entries

I’ve been doing a little reflecting over the past year. I’ve kept a journal for a while now, and although I’m not the most regular writer, but it has been fun to read over some previous entries. Looking back and cherishing the ways the God has worked only inspires confidence and excitement in the fact that He is still at work, and never leaves His own. I want to share a few of these entries with you now. These are from May 2010 and following:

I’ve been thinking about graduation, and what it means to different people. For some, it means a transition into a new position or job.  They have completed a degree which will enable or qualify them to work at a new level. For others, it means the end of one phase of academia, and the beginning of a new one.  For others, it’s rather fearful, because they’re not sure what will come next.  I’m not exactly sure into which category I fall. I have a job teaching private piano students at home, but I don’t want to be home for too long.  I really want to either get a job accompanying for a university or college, or work for a community music school, or something which doesn’t involve teaching 100% of the time. 

I was reading through some previous entries, and I was thinking about 2 of my favorite moments from this past year.  I think the top two (musically), were at my note check, and then at my check, respectively. As I left the room from being told that I passed my note-check, Dr. Moore and Mr. Lehman and I were chatting, about whatever was going on that weekend (Messiah I think…). As they talked, their backs were to Dr. K, who was sitting in the corner.  She had been quiet the whole time and had listened without music.  As I turned to thank them again, I saw that past them, she had a huge smile on her face and was giving me two thumbs up.  I don’t ever want to do what I do for men’s applause, but that moment made the past few agonizing months worth every second. The other moment was again with Dr. K, but this time at my check. I got up from the bench in Stratton Hall, and as Dr. Moore and Mr. Ream were furiously scribbling, Dr. K was clapping enthusiastically, hands above her head, and smiling.  This was a bonding student to teacher moment that I will never forget. 

Another year of Csehy is come and gone again.  Somehow it seems to get shorter every year.  We’re almost home, and I’m working on the Phase2 application for BFA.  Sometime, I’ll write more about this opportunity, but for now, I just wanted to get down how thankful I feel for this summer. I came into it so weak, and He was strong through me.  I can take no credit for what He has done, because I had nothing to give. He was everything. Now my prayer is that this will only continue and that I will have a growing awareness of His presence and my need for Him.

I’m off to Deutschland to be an RA in Sonne, one of the boys’ dorms at the Black Forest Academy. I’m excited, but for a moment when I was trying to walk away, I felt again like the freshman that walked away from her family at BJU on a hot Sunday afternoon in August of 2004.  I don’t like goodbyes. Most skills, with practice improve with time, or at least get easier.  This one, for me, is not. I suppose that’s a good thing tho. I’m excited to be going, and I cannot wait to get there and see what the Lord is going to teach me, and how I’m going to grow.  I have a feeling that I don’t even know half of what’s coming at me. That’s ok though. I have been more aware of God’s presence, control, and working in my life over the past months than ever before in my life, and it gives me great comfort.  I may not know the path, but He does, and He will give strength and guide me through.

back to today:
Now I find myself at the end of my first year, and I’m kinda wondering where the time went. The students and staff of Sonne and BFA are more than just names. They are individuals who have taken a permanent place in my heart. Their struggles, victories, heartbreaks and joys have become mine. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. One question which I frequently ask myself is how people I didn’t even know existed less than one year ago have become fixtures in my life. And how did I come to love them as I do? The answer is simple. Jeremiah 31:3 says, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.” His love is amazing, flooding my life, and pouring into the lives of others. If I relied singularly on my own love to reach 21 guys, it would be very discouraging. However, by His grace, He has given me His love. This has been one exceedingly full year, with many, many ups and downs. Through it all, there has been a joy knowing that this is exactly where I am supposed to be. 

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